#becauseofyou

I’ve been seeing this hashtag several places now, and I think it’s very interesting. People calling out their bullies or people in their lives that made them feel less than they are.

I wanted to join in, so here it is (every hashtag is a different person/people):

#becauseofyou I felt stupid. I felt ugly. You made fun of me in public, giving our impressionable classmates permission to do the same. All because I said I liked you.

#becauseofyou I’m paranoid. I have a fear of sudden noises, of handshakes, and of being kissed.

#becauseofyou I felt worthless. I felt unwanted. You told me that there was no point to my being there. I have no skill, no talent. Even when I worked hard to be better, it wasn’t good enough for you. I didn’t exist in your eyes.

#becauseofyou I believed I was a bad person. You didn’t want me in the same building as you, or our classmates. I confided in you, and you took it like I was betraying everything I stood for. It wasn’t even you I had a crush on; it was a different girl in the class.

#becauseofyou I felt unloved. I felt like a waste of time and space. Playing with my emotions until you got what you wanted out of me, and then act like we weren’t even friends.

#becauseofyou I believed I had no future. I felt like a useless and lazy member of society. I did my best with what was available to me, and you blamed my laziness for not being ahead.

#becauseofyou I felt crazy. I felt like I deserved every bad thing should happen to me, and that no one should be an acquaintance, let alone a friend. You told me that my mental disorder deserved to be punished, though I thought I was doing a good thing by seeking help.

#becauseofyou I felt sad, lonely, useless, worthless, hideous, stupid, insane, terrible, and more.

But…

#becauseofyou I feel like I have a true friend. You were there for me and trusted me to be there for you. Though you don’t understand everything about me, you accept me.

#becauseofyou I feel intelligent. I feel like I actually have good thoughts in my brain. You praise my ideas, and aren’t afraid to tell me when I can fix something. You are constantly reminding me of what I have accomplished academically.

#becauseofyou I feel loved. We may not be together, but how terrific you made me feel about myself.

#becauseofyou I feel worthwhile. You help me with my mental disorders and encourage me to be the best I can be. Even if they never leave me, I can be a healthy individual.

#becauseofyou I feel accepted. You took me in, you were kind, and you never made me feel like an outsider even if I very much was one.

#becauseofyou I believe I am a good person. Orientation is a part of me, not who I am entirely. You helped me during those confusing months, and encouraged me to be true to myself. I know who I am, and the kindness I have for others.

#becauseofyou I feel beautiful. My height and size was never a problem to you or your work. You complimented my style and who I was.

#becauseofyou I feel accomplished, smart, able, lovely, worthwhile, lovable, nice, and more.

While I believe this hashtag is good for releasing those negative feelings in a, mostly, anonymous manner, it is also good to remember those who made you feel like the amazing person you are.

And if you don’t hear it from anyone else, allow me to tell you:

You are a lovely, wondrous, worthwhile person.

Hugs

Alexandra

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