Why I Don’t See Myself as Accomplished

Depression.

The end.

Okay, seriously, I don’t see myself as accomplished, I think, for several reasons. Two of which I’ll talk about.

One: comparison. My friends do amazing things, and I’m so proud of them for it. In no way am I trying to diminish them. They are incredible people and deserve all the success in the world. But while they shine, I diminish.

I’ve done dramaturgy work at my undergrad, one of the first people do it. Then a friend (hi, Hannah) went on to get scholarship and more work for it after learning about it. So, my success is lessened.

I’ve written original work, full length plays and novels. Then some other friends have their works published and performed. So, my work is meaningless.

I’ve lived in another country all on my own to pursue a Masters. Then, at the same time, another friend moved to another country for his Masters (hi, Dave) and have an incredible opportunity to do so much more. As well, a lot of my friends travel or have traveled. So, my experience is minimized.

There are so many more examples I can give, but the list would be too long, so let’s stick with these three. But you get my point. I am not accomplished compared to my absolutely fantastic friends.

Two: failures trump successes. Now, that sounds harsh, but allow me to explain. I have a success. Something I should feel accomplished for. And then something happens that cancels out or reverses that success.

I was accepted into the Governors School for the Arts for acting, the only one in my school’s district. Success. But when we moved I auditioned for a high school with an arts program, and I was rejected. Failure. So it was not really an accomplishment to me.

I graduated with my Masters with Merit. Success. But the rest of my classmates graduated with Distinction, and I found out because I did poorly in one of my classes, I wasn’t given the distinction. Failure. So it was not really an accomplishment to me.

(And 100% honestly, I tried thinking of another example, and I could not think of a single success).

Now, I can hear you through the screen: “How can you not say you’re accomplished?! Look what you’ve done!” While your feelings are valid, they aren’t my feelings. I don’t feel accomplished. Am I? That’s subjective. I just don’t personally see it.

 

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