Can I Enjoy Editing Again?

I have a YouTube channel. It’s there for everyone to see, promoted on the side of my blog here (or at the bottom if you’re on mobile). I talk about my videos a lot. And a couple of months ago I took a break, mostly because my computer went belly up for the last time, but also because I was a busy bee.

Well, recently I came back to making videos and…I don’t have the same passion as I used to. Filming was boring, editing was a time-fueled hassle, and I just can’t come up with good video ideas.

I could go the usual route of just quitting like I have many past hobbies. But I have invested so much of myself into it that I don’t want it to go to waste.

And then I realized that that was the incorrect mindset to have.

Nothing about it was a waste.

Not the time devoted to it, not the money that went into, not the blood, sweat, and tears it took to maintain it.

I loved doing it for the time I did it. I enjoyed coming up with ideas, writing scripts, becoming different characters, and chasing my cats around with my camera. Most of all, I greatly enjoyed editing. It was the best part of video-making.

Yes, I have invested so much of myself into it. In return, I was given new knowledge and new experiences I couldn’t have had otherwise. So, it was a very sound investment indeed.

Now, I not quitting YouTube just yet. I’m giving it a few more months (mostly until my Adobe Premiere Pro subscription is up). Maybe my passion will be renewed, maybe I’ll leave it be. Whatever the decision, I’m happy I took the adventure to begin with.

Hugs

Alexandra

My Break From Video-Making

If any of you follow my YouTube channel, you know what this is about.

If you do not, I’ll link the video here, so watch that first (if you want to).

First of all, if I’m going to be completely honest, which I always try to be, I was thinking about taking a break to begin with.

It’s hard for me, personally, to admit that, considering I claim such a passion for making videos. I do. I say it time and time again how much I love making videos. Well, lately, I’ve found that passion a bit…dwindled.

I expect a lot out of myself, and I want to be the best person I can be. Recently, my best self has been trying too much: a consistent twice-a-week YouTube schedule, a consistent thrice-a-week website schedule, working on a production, my actual job, reading 50+ books in a year, writing and editing my original work, art, crafts, learning ASL, trying to learn coding, on top of attempting to maintain my health, mentally and physically. Full disclosure, it’s not working. All of that plus taking care of the home and dealing with sudden stresses and the holidays.

It was too much.

I knew I had to downsize hobby-wise. The first thing I cut was art. Really, had no qualms about it. I can wait on coding, so that’s out for now. The book thing is almost done; can’t quit now. I rely on crafts, especially around Christmas for gift-giving, so no. That leaves making videos.

A week, on average, I can spend 15-35 hours on making videos. That’s quite a lot of time for someone not making a profit on it. I make ‘profit’ on everything else I do. My blog is a proper brain dump for all my work. Writing and editing for my future. Crafts as gifts, the profit of others. ASL because I’ve been yearning to learn a second language; it makes you more marketable and cultured. Videos, while fun to do, don’t give me much to gain. It may do me well in the future, but right now it’s not doing much.

But I couldn’t just let go of making videos. I truly love it.

Then, the universe gave me a scapegoat: my computer.

If you were not aware, everything I do technologically was done by a 3-year-old laptop bought for 300$ at Fred Meyer (a grocery store). When I first got it, I was so certain it was only going to last a year, a year and a half max. I mean, the built-in keyboard lasted 5 months before failing. It certainly proved me wrong by lasting 3 years and 2 months (ish).

But if finally glitched its last glitch. Programs, if they opened at all, were slow and/or froze. The internet super glitched and wouldn’t open websites at all. I finally called it. It’s not worth the headache of keeping it going.

So, I currently do not have a computer. I’m grateful for the chance to blame this break on something else.

Until I get a new computer, I still plan on writing on my blog, so this will stay updated, and you can check out past videos.

Though not having a computer will be a big pain in the ass, it’ll give me something less to worry about during stressful time.

Hugs

Alexandra

P.S. I’m typing this at the library, more likely the place I will do all of my writing.

Depression a la Recent Videos

I just realized that I made quite a few videos recently about my depression. More than usual, at least. Let me talk about this, if you will.

The first video is i’m still depressed (click on the title to see the video).

This was a more serious venture, and I talk about it at the end of the video. There are lots of people and sites who will tell a depressed person how to get rid of their depression. For a person with seasonal or temporary depression, that might work. However, for a person with severe or clinical depression (like me) it can be perceived as annoying or even dangerous. There are ways to keep depression at bay, and there are ways to better your depressional episodes. But my point to this was that sometimes those depressional episodes will just need to be rode through. It’s like an ocean, and you just need to ride the waves until you reach calmer waters. And that’s okay.

The second video is Getting Ready for a Breakdown

This was a comedic sketch about those depressional episodes. Sometimes they just happen. And, if you’re lucky or observant or used to it, you can be able to tell when it’s about to happen. If that’s the case, you can prepare for it. It’s a bad idea, in my opinion, to try to fix the situation or force it down if you know the breakdown is coming. Let yourself feel the emotions you need to feel. Let your body have that moment.

And the third video is Do I Love Myself? (which I realized that I don’t have published quite yet, but I will link it when it is published)

At the surface, this isn’t about depression. However, as I filmed this, I noticed a lot of my discussion going back to depression. Half of this video is in sarcastic humor, and the other half is true messages I feel needs to be shared. It’s important to love yourself, and those with severe depression have a hard time of doing that. So, this video plays on that.

These videos were definitely in the moment of stuff happening in my life right now (that I can’t share quite yet, unfortunately).

Take care of yourself, recognize your emotions and what your body is telling you, and do your best.

That’s what I hope for me and you.

Hugs

Alexandra

History Memes

Memes: the slang of today’s generation. That sounded super dusty, but I promise that I do love a good meme. ‘Good’ being the keyword (as well as subjective…).

I made a video about how memes can help in schools and learning in general (available here). I stand by that. Memes are the language of the internet these days, and the younger generations live by the internet. (Honestly, me too). And in order to be part of that ‘cool society’, they have that repertoire of memes. And utilizing that toward education will not only help them understand the topic, but will get them interested in learning.

Anyway, I’m just wanting to re-share the history memes I found, via every history meme blog on Tumblr.

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Yep. This whole thing was just wanting to post these history memes I found too funny. Again.

Hugs

Alexandra

The Point of Survivalist

If you guys follow my YouTube (please do!), you’ll know about a wee little series I did called Survivalist.

Every episode was an incident I survived through, whether is was a smoke bomb in school, a flash flood, or even having a window blown out inches from my face by a bullet. But what was the point of sharing these stories?

Well, I did make a video about it: Survival of the Unstable Life.

But let me explain a bit more. At the time of making the initial videos, I was in a sort of limbo (one I’m experiencing recently as well) between graduating and starting the new adventure. I was very unsure with everything I was doing and thinking, the future’s instability terrified me, and I wasn’t sure I was even going to survive.

But I survived.

And that was the point: I was able to live through nutso events like an infection that almost killed me and classroom assaults. I’m fairly certain I can survive whatever the universe wants to throw at me.

And so I write this more as a reminder to myself as I find myself back in that low limbo between graduation and the next adventure. I don’t need to be sure, but I don’t need to be scared either. And I’d like to leave that message with you:

You don’t need to be sure, but you don’t need to be scared.

Hugs

Alexandra

P.S. Lots of videos to watch. Enjoy them!