Synesthesia

I’ve always had a connection to color in words. Color keeps me organized, and it’s easier for me to differentiate various readings. While I was in grad school, we had a project that involved fairy tale princess (for another time). I wrote the princesses’ names in different colors, and when someone asked why, I said ‘because that’s how I see it’. She asked ‘do you have synesthesia?’ Did I?

First of all, what even is synesthesia?

Apparently, it’s a brain thing where you experience one of your senses leading to automatic experiences in a secondary sense. “Simply put, when one sense is activated, another unrelated sense is activated at the same time.” (source) Think back to the movie Ratatouille. Remy can hear music and see swirls of color when he tastes something. That’s a form of synesthesia.

While I cannot say for surety whether or not I have synesthesia, I do believe I have a form called Grapheme-color synesthesia, which is when letters and numbers are associated to specific colors. I associate words and numbers with color in nearly everything. That’s why Snow White was a pale purple and Cinderella was yellow.

The problem becomes that colors change for me. The word ‘apple’, purple when I look at it now, might become more blue later in life. The month of March used to be brown before becoming a pale orange.

I don’t know.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is I saw something on TikTok (surprise, surprise) when someone with Chromesthesia (when you see colors as you hear sounds) painted what a song looked like. Their username is jurisprune, and it’s fascinating to see.

So, I tried it in my own way.

I had Vladimir chose a song, and I painted as I read the lyrics (while listening to the song because I love music). The song he chose was ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds’ by The Beatles.

Here’s how it went:

I gathered up most of my basic colors and printed out the lyrics. Vladimir and I underlined some key words to hit in the painting. As for the painting itself…

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Guys, we all know I’m not the best at painting, but I still had a good time with this. It’s not perfect, and there are only certain aspects I actually like. But this is the song as I read it. I concentrated a lot more than I thought I would. And at least I tried.

Enjoy and celebrate your quirks and special talents!

Hugs

Alexandra

Quotes in My Collection (pt 2)

Let’s continue with some more quotes!

To recap, I collect quotes and quote books. You can find some from my collection in the first post here. This post is going to focus on quotes I found on social media, whether from Twitter, Pinterest, or Tumblr. I didn’t make note of usernames and I didn’t see names associated, so all of these will be considered anonymous.

Here we go:

  • Find your happiness, because it’s out there waiting for you. Stop being afraid and motivate yourself. Find yourself.
  • I have been through hell and came out singing.
  • Good morning, cruel world. This world may be cruel but I’m still kicking.
  • We are all horrible and wonderful and figuring it out.
  • Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off excellent.
  • Control what you can, confront what you can’t.
  • You still have a lot of time to make yourself who you want to be.
  • You owe yourself the love that you give to other people.
  • Don’t be afraid to start over again. This time, you’re not starting from scratch, you’re starting from experience.
  • Existence has meaning, some of which is found and some of which is created, and doing this is among the noblest of human quest.
  • My body may be a temple but I am the god to whom it is devoted. Do not presume to tell me how I may decorate my altar.
  • Love should be shared, felt, and received with reckless abandon. Love these characters, love this food, love things in the moment, even if they may seem insignificant to others.

Another small portion of my vast collection, and again, I’m always looking for more to add.

Show what you enjoy no matter what others think.

Hugs

Alexandra

Trying TikTok Trends

Because I apparently can’t write enough about it. (And have future plans for a few more, bear with me!)

Recently, I wrote about how TikTok has been becoming a minor obsession (the post is here). A list of trends come from there, so I wanted to try my hand at a few of them. And I mean a very few. Some include Never Have I Ever (which was taken down, so I’ll have to do a new one), filters, and reacting blind to something. There are plenty of trends I have yet to try, like dancing, cosplay, or book tags. However, the key word is YET. I actually have plans to do those kinds of TikTok videos (yes, even dancing when I suck at it).

But until then, here’s a few of my attempts:

Yeah, we all know I’m not great. But I have fun. (Also, I was unaware how big they were going to be in this post…oh well). And I’m learning new things, which is most important, as you know from my life philosophy of always keep learning.

Use it for fun, use it for some information (but remember to do your own research), and use it to be inspired.

And know the algorithm is wack, but we do our best to find what is important to us.

Hugs

Alexandra

July Bullet Journal

Don’t judge my theme; I have a perfectly reasonable explanation…

So, for July, my theme is rainbow. Yes, I am fully aware that last month was Pride. But here’s why I chose rainbow as my theme for July: clearance. Because Pride stickers and material are cheaper at the end of the month (and I didn’t have an idea for July already), I thought I would use it for July. Also, because our personal pride should last longer than a month (but that was a cop-out afterthought). 

Anyway. I tried something different with my monthly and my weekly setup since last month definitely didn’t work for me.

I always start with a home page, something simple and with a quote. So. There we go. Nothing complicated.

For my monthly, I separated things in specific categories of stuff I want to accomplish this month. Bills (duh, can’t forget to pay those), entertainment (books I want to read, movies I want to see, etc), creative (stuff I want to do fuel my creative juices), and bettering myself (which will include going back to the gym). Maybe separating everything will keep me organized, less stressed, and more accomplished. We will see.

For my weeklies, I color-blocked according to stickers I found in the Pride set (the two missing weeks are orange and blue, and look like the green week). I just kept everything in separate days without much detail, which might work better for me. But to keep track of myself and some emotions I may feel (thanks to mental illness and empathy), I have a weekly affirmation, a little block to put the best moment that week, and a tiny block to put a little emoji sticker. Plus the color might help me out as well.

I also have a decorative page, but I did it after writing this so I didn’t get a pic.

img_9546As well as going over my plans for helping myself via bullet journal every month, I wanted to include book club again. Reading is beneficial to mental health, so let’s help ourselves by being accountable for reading once again.

This month, I’m going to finish Never Grow Up by Jackie Chan (I started it at the end of June), and I’m going to read The White Sniper and Unsolved Murders.

Remember, if you bullet journal, it really is about becoming the best person you can be. Make sure you’re helping yourself with what you put in it.

Hugs

Alexandra

My Weekend in Astoria

This past weekend, I went on a roadtrip with my mother to Oregon and Washington, with the specific destination being Astoria, OR. If you’re unfamiliar with Astoria, it’s best known for the filming of The Goonies. Our reason for going was partially personal so I won’t go into great detail, but mostly because we needed to get out of town.

So, why Astoria? Did we really have a special tie to The Goonies? Was our family there?

No. We went specifically to Astoria for two reasons: Finn Ware and the ocean.

Starting from the beginning, this was my first time in Oregon and Washington, two more states off my goal of visiting all 50 states. It was beautiful. I really enjoyed the scenery during our 10 hour drive. We actually stayed in a little inn across the Columbia River in Washington and spent our free time in Oregon so.

During our ‘tourist’ time in Astoria, we went to a place called Finn Ware. My mother and I, we are very in touch with our Finnish heritage. We are proud Finns. She was most excited to find iittala glass and Fazer chocolate, and I was all over the Viking stuff and Simo Häyhä. We had fun (and spent too much money).

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But we did not travel 10 hours just to go to one shop, so we did some other touristy things, including the Oregon Film Museum, Lucy’s Books, Fort Stevens, a shipwreck, and the Astoria Sunday Market. We also ate at a place called Astoria Brewing Company that had a great view and the best onion rings.

Overall, Mother and I had a relaxing and content time, which is what we needed at the moment.

I recommend Astoria if you want a calming coastal town.

Hope you guys had a good weekend, and now we enter July, our last free month. Here’s to hoping this month doesn’t become as much of a wreck as the rest of this year has been.

img_9474Hugs

Alexandra

What is Abrosexuality & My Experience

(First of all, sorry for the late post. I just got back into town and didn’t have specific media I wanted to use on my phone. But here we are now)

Last Pride, I fully came out as abrosexual in this post. Then I posted said blog on Facebook, which got some lovely responses. People were supportive, which is always emotional to a queer person. And a couple of my friends asked if I could expound on my experience/identity. So, for the last post of Pride 2020, let’s talk a little bit about my identity.

First, what is abrosexuality?

img_9426For real, it’s an unknown, unheard of sexuality. People I know either can’t understand it or don’t believe it exists. While ‘abrosexuality’ is the proper title, it is probably best known as sexually fluid. Basically, my sexuality changes. The changes may be quick, short, slow, long; there’s no real rhyme or reason. For example, someone can fluctuate from straight to gay to straight again to asexual back to gay for various time periods. On average, an abrosexual fluctuates between three sexualities, though it could be more or it could just be two. And overall, this is considered part of the asexual umbrella.

Now, how did I find out about this unknown and underrepresented sexuality?

Growing up and into college I was a very confused person. There were always a deep feeling, but I also just always said I was straight. It’s easier to represent as such. But, seriously, I knew there was something else within me. What am I? There were times in my life I thought I was straight, times I thought I was gay, times I thought I was asexual. Good thing my dating life was nonexistent. By adulthood, I just assumed I was bisexual, and I went through school still confused as hell.

Picture1Then, scrolling through Twitter as a regular Millenial, I happened upon a tweet by Nyle DeMarco, male model hotness. Someone asked him what his sexuality was and he replied with a simple ‘fluid’. My curiosity was peaked, and a quick (and fateful) Google search introduced me to abrosexuality. Reading about it felt like I got hit and run over with a steamroller, the Polar Express, AND the Titantic.

Somehow, everything made sense.

I dug more and more into what abrosexuality was and people’s experience with it (though, to be fair, there’s not much out there about it). Once I’ve exhausted my resources, I sat back and thought about my own feelings, my own experiences, and my confused past. Those times I thought I was straight, gay, ace, bi, whatever, I truly was that. Those various points in my life were my changes.

Understanding this part of me has felt so freeing. I’m no longer confused about feelings and what I might be. I have no control over changes but I accept them as they come. And dating is easier (though still nonexistent). I don’t expect others to fully understand; it seems to confuse a lot of people already. But this is my personal identity and that’s all that matters to me.

Hope that answered my friends’ questions.

Hugs

Alexandra

 

Book vs Movie: Beowulf

Beowulf (2007 film) - WikipediaAn authoritative translation of the finest heroic poem in Old ...

When I was in high school, either freshman or sophomore year, I had to read Beowulf. Don’t ask me why someone thought a bunch of 13-15 year olds could comprehend Old English on their own, but alas. Soon after reading it in school, the animated movie came out. So, let’s talk about them.

When I first read this, I really enjoyed the story. In fact, I was the only one in my class who liked it. No judgement to the others at all, I just remember being that one nerd who enjoyed it. Essentially, it’s just the telling of a hero named Beowulf and his encounters with various monsters and villains, the most famous probably being Grendel. He’s a Geat who helps the king of the Danes with their two monsters before going back home to be king of the Geats, and fifty years later he fights a dragon. Though he defeats the dragon, he is wounded fatally. And that’s really it. Simply a hero’s tale told in Old English.

Then the movie came out in 2007, and I was actually excited to see it. My family thought it was so weird, but we went to see it in theaters anyway. Also, real quick, I found out TODAY that Neil Gaiman helped write the screenplay, and I don’t know how to feel about it. I was severely disappointed. Maybe because of the shift of story or the anti-hero style of the character of Beowulf or the *ahem* dragon baby. I understand the need of story shift because it’s the movie industry. They need as much drama as they can get. But I really didn’t appreciate how they wrote Grendel’s mother, the dragon, or even how Beowulf became king of the Danes.

On one hand, why’d they change it so drastically? On the other hand, I’m pretty picky. Usually when I judge a movie that’s based on stories or characters that already exist, I separate how the movie is as a stand-alone and how it is compared to the basis it came from. Standing alone, it’s not bad. It was pretty incredible CGI for the time, and if I didn’t know Beowulf beforehand I would’ve enjoyed it.

BUT, I can’t get past the shift.

So, obviously, the original epic poem is superior. If you don’t want to read Old English, the movie isn’t bad.

‘Book’: 4/5 stars. Movie: 2.5/5 stars.

Halfway Through the Summer (and Goals)

Summer is getting closer to an end. Not in season, but in ‘vacation’ (if you can call it that).

I have about a month until school starts for me, and before another semester tries to kill me.

Meanwhile, I’ve been working. If not at my job, then with home maintenance. Resting this vacation has been nonexistent. But also, I haven’t been able to do much of anything (thanks Miss Rona).

So, for the last month, let’s set some goals so that we can enter the semester in as little stress as possible.

First, taking some time off work. Let’s not overwork ourselves before we overwork ourselves.

Second, deep clean and organize rooms. Let’s get our areas as nice as we can so it doesn’t stress us out when school comes around.

Third, organizing all paper items. Notebooks, bills, records. Put everything in its place, and take care of what’s needed.

Fourth, make sure we’re all ready for school. Yep.

And fifth, at least two self-care days. Days where we only take care of ourselves, whatever that may mean.

Those who will be going back to school at the beginning of August, enjoy your last month, and good luck with a new semester.

Hugs

Alexandra

When the Boycott Comes to an End

Hello, again.

So, I’m slowly ending the boycott. I started with TikTok because I watched very specific people after the boycott. Then I entered the land of Pinterest. These two places have been the most positive in my experience and remain so.

And now, I’m coming back to my website.

I’m still feeling very down, so I’ll be staying away from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr.

However, I’m also working on my mental health and empathy so I can be back on soon.

Here’s where things become a bummer: when I posted my last blog (read it here), I made a point for those with empath friends to check on them.

Something I was hoping my friends would do.

Eighteen days later, and nothing. No one has checked on me. None of my friends have contacted me to see if I was okay or to even ask how my day is (or whatever else friends converse about). Eighteen days. I’ve disappeared from the interface, and people I’ve talked to regularly haven’t reached out. What I have received was a joke about Howl’s Moving Castle and a text asking for positive vibes.

Oh well.

People get busy. People forget. The world is mayhem at the moment and people have other concerns. My friends are adults with lives.

Of course it hurt. But I understand.

And it took those 18 days to understand.

Anyway, apologies for a sudden vent. While I’m still sad, I’m not upset (if that makes sense).

The boycott has already taught me a lot.

We’re back on schedule, so expect something on Wednesday and Friday.

Thanks for your patience, and let’s have some fun again.

Hugs

Alexandra

Boycott

This is actually going to be very hard for me…

I’m sure you all know what’s happening in the world. This time is very hard for a person like me who has very poor mental health AND is an empath.

So you can imagine what I’m like when I log on to anything these days.

Everything hurts, and it’s hard to remain hopeful.

In order to help myself right now, I am doing a personal boycott from all social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, even Pinterest. I’m also staying away from most sites. Essentially, I’ll only be using the internet for work and Spotify.

That does include this site as well.

I don’t know how long I plan to split. It could be 48 hours, it could be a month, could be longer. Depends on what I feel is right for me.

Again, this is personal due to my own individual issues. Issues that are private and I would rather not get into. I just ask one thing:

If you know of any other empaths, check on them.

Stay safe, guys.

Hugs

Alexandra