Funeral

A

Funerals are supposed to be bleak.

B

Excuse me?

A

Funerals. Are supposed to be bleak.

B

Um, I don’t think that’s very appropriate to talk about right now.

A

Believe me, there’s no better time.

B

Believe me, there’s definitely a better time. And it’s not now.

A

You’re wrong–

B

Can you not? The service is about to start.

A

You don’t want to discuss?

B

No!

A

Okay, I’ll try on your wife. That is your wife, right? Yoo-hoo, I–

B

Stop stop stop stop. Fine. Funerals are supposed to be bleak.

A

So you agree?

B

Yes. Please tell me that’s all.

A

You’re suppos–urp–supposed to ask why.

B

(sniffs) Oh.

A

Oh?

B

You’ve been drinking before the service.

A

A lady’s gotta cope.

B

It’s nine in the morning!

A

You know what I say, my funeral is going to be the bleakest event any of this family has ever been to.

B

Good to know.

A

And I don’t want any men there.

B

Your husband’s not going to like that.

A

I’m not married.

B

Shocker.

A

Don’t be rude!

B

Why are you talking about funerals at a wedding?

A

This is a funeral…You’re supposed to ask who died.

B

Who died?

A

The single life. God, I hate weddings.

B

(leans in to his wife) This is the family your cousin’s marrying into?