Funeral

A
Funerals are supposed to be bleak.

B
Excuse me?

A
Funerals. Are supposed to be bleak.

B
Um, I don’t think that’s very appropriate to talk about right now.

A
Believe me, there’s no better time.

B
Believe me, there’s definitely a better time. And it’s not now.

A
You’re wrong–

B
Can you not? The service is about to start.

A
You don’t want to discuss?

B
No!

A
Okay, I’ll try on your wife. That is your wife, right? Yoo-hoo, I–

B
Stop stop stop stop. Fine. Funerals are supposed to be bleak.

A
So you agree?

B
Yes. Please tell me that’s all.

A
You’re suppos–urp–supposed to ask why.

B
(sniffs) Oh.

A
Oh?

B
You’ve been drinking before the service.

A
A lady’s gotta cope.

B
It’s nine in the morning!

A
You know what I say, my funeral is going to be the bleakest event any of this family has ever been to.

B
Good to know.

A
And I don’t want any men there.

B
Your husband’s not going to like that.

A
I’m not married.

B
Shocker.

A
Don’t be rude!

B
Why are you talking about funerals at a wedding?

A
This is a funeral…You’re supposed to ask who died.

B
Who died?

A
The single life. God, I hate weddings.

B
(leans in to his wife) This is the family your cousin’s marrying into?