Worrying About My Playwriting

I write plays. I’ve written a few. Nothing produced, but they exist. I even have a degree in playwriting, so I must be decent, right?

…right?

To save you some time, I’m just going to tell you that this is a story about me comparing my own damn self to others. I know I shouldn’t, shut up and let me tell my story!

I’ve been editing a play I’ve worked on for about three years now. I’ve submitted plays to competitions, theaters, and the like before. Never got past the first submission. Anyway, I’m editing this play, since I want it to be the first work of mine I see produced on stage. There’s a call for local playwrights to submit work for production, so hell yeah I’m gonna submit work.

I take a break to check social media ’cause I’m a millennial or something. On Facebook, I see the call for local playwrights (again) from a friend who had his work produced, I see a Scottish classmate who is having her work done on stage and opening night is tomorrow, I see someone getting professional praise for his scripting, and I see an actress friend whose play received a special commendation from an esteemed competition in New York.

After that, I logged off Facebook and just sat at my desk doing nothing for about two and a half hours. Not even working on my own play.

I just felt so deflated, not that I was inflated to begin with.

Have I not tried enough? Or am I just that lousy of a writer?

Since then, I haven’t been able to work on my piece again. I don’t quite know what to do about starting it up again. But something must be done if I want to be a playwright. I can’t just give up, nor will I.

One thing I know I need to do is congratulate my friends. Just because I don’t feel successful does not mean I want to diminish their work. They obviously worked hard and got what they deserved. I’m just a wee jealous (lol). Love you all, wish I could see all your work.

Another thing I should do is learn to be okay with my own work. And that’s a journey in and of itself.

I’m gonna keep trying, and maybe one day fortune will find me. I just might be a late bloomer.

If you take anything from this, know that just because others are good at something it does not diminish your talent. Just because my friend Kendall is great at writing a play does not mean I suck. Just because your friend is good at something does not make you bad at the same thing.

Yes, I’m still bummed at how slow my foot is from getting into the door. I’m still jealous at the accomplishments of my friends. I’m still beating myself down for something I can’t control. It’s a process that I’m trying to break, but it won’t be an overnight process.

I’ll get back to work on the play. Eventually.

Hugs

Alexandra

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