Self-Care Journal

img_9912A while ago, while at Target, I came across a journal that caught my eye. This is not much of a surprise considering how many journals I own/have been through. But I bought it.

It’s an actual self-care journal, and each page has something like a goal, or at least just something to do that could be considered self-care. Then it asks, what did you do today to take care of yourself? followed by lines to write your response. And it ends with a place to put your mood and energy level from 1-10.

I was really diggin’ on this considering my actual bullet journal has become much more of a planner as of late. Maybe I could write about my feelings again.

Then my feelings fell by the wayside as everything started to hit and I couldn’t process what emotions were anymore.

But I’m here to try again.

My plan is to, every day, do what the goal/self-care something tells me to throughout the day. Sometimes it can be time consuming like konmari-ing your closet and sometimes it can be super simple like breathe deeply. Whatever it is, we’re gonna do it. At the end of the day, I’ll write how I fared and answer the other necessary questions.

This journal has almost an entire year worth of pages. So, I guess I better get started.

Don’t neglect your self-care, and if it takes a blatantly obvious journal to get your emotions understood it’s okay. Take care of you to be the best you can be at this moment.



P.S. Today’s goal is actually to breathe deeply, so take a large breath with me now.

Breathe in.




Breathe out.




Trying TikTok Trends

Because I apparently can’t write enough about it. (And have future plans for a few more, bear with me!)

Recently, I wrote about how TikTok has been becoming a minor obsession (the post is here). A list of trends come from there, so I wanted to try my hand at a few of them. And I mean a very few. Some include Never Have I Ever (which was taken down, so I’ll have to do a new one), filters, and reacting blind to something. There are plenty of trends I have yet to try, like dancing, cosplay, or book tags. However, the key word is YET. I actually have plans to do those kinds of TikTok videos (yes, even dancing when I suck at it).

But until then, here’s a few of my attempts:

Yeah, we all know I’m not great. But I have fun. (Also, I was unaware how big they were going to be in this post…oh well). And I’m learning new things, which is most important, as you know from my life philosophy of always keep learning.

Use it for fun, use it for some information (but remember to do your own research), and use it to be inspired.

And know the algorithm is wack, but we do our best to find what is important to us.



Halfway Through the Summer (and Goals)

Summer is getting closer to an end. Not in season, but in ‘vacation’ (if you can call it that).

I have about a month until school starts for me, and before another semester tries to kill me.

Meanwhile, I’ve been working. If not at my job, then with home maintenance. Resting this vacation has been nonexistent. But also, I haven’t been able to do much of anything (thanks Miss Rona).

So, for the last month, let’s set some goals so that we can enter the semester in as little stress as possible.

First, taking some time off work. Let’s not overwork ourselves before we overwork ourselves.

Second, deep clean and organize rooms. Let’s get our areas as nice as we can so it doesn’t stress us out when school comes around.

Third, organizing all paper items. Notebooks, bills, records. Put everything in its place, and take care of what’s needed.

Fourth, make sure we’re all ready for school. Yep.

And fifth, at least two self-care days. Days where we only take care of ourselves, whatever that may mean.

Those who will be going back to school at the beginning of August, enjoy your last month, and good luck with a new semester.



Finishing a Semester

78741619_10215728516380993_3577122662763200512_oThis past Friday I’ve finished the first semester in my graduate program.

Now, I’ve actually done a graduate program before. I have my Masters. So, yes, I’m going through it all over again. As opposed to my dramaturgy and playwriting degree I’ve gotten before, on campus, I’m pursuing Information Science online. It’s a whole new monster.

I went from an art to a science, essentially. From left brain to right brain. But it’s something I want to do.

The challenge this semester came from three things: time management, IT, and environment.

I love being organized. It’s something I do very well. But I absolutely suck at time management. I didn’t know how to properly do it this semester, and it really kicked my ass. And now I’m hoping I learned something to take into the next semester.

I can work my way around a computer, handling a blog, making videos, etc. But I never expected how much IT I would actually encounter. I knew I would be learning some new IT, but I didn’t expect to learn Greek AND Chinese. (Basically, I didn’t expect how much I would be learning and it really killed my brain for a hot minute).

I’ve always loved being in classes, having an instructor in front of me, taking space as it were. I liked having offices to go to, a library to study in, and peers ready to meet for a drink and a study session. Now that I’m doing everything online, it’s not the same. I get to wait for emails, studying exists almost solely in my own personal library, and the nearest classmate is literal hundreds of miles away. It’s tougher, but, again, I hope I’ve learned something I can take with me into the next semester.

So, my fellow college students, enjoy your winter break. And let’s hope together that we don’t kill ourselves next semester.



My Biggest Flaw

There was a video Anna Akana did about a year ago where she asked three of her friends what her biggest flaw was (video here).

Her ultimate point was that maybe our flaws are strengths, if we know how to use it.

So I decided to ask one of my best friends…

I thought I was prepared…but I wasn’t. I don’t mind criticism, but it’s definitely a jolt when you don’t even realize something about yourself (even if you are getting better at it). But after some reflection, I realized the extent of my clingy nature.

I have an obsessive personality. I’ve been noticing it more and more when I got nearly addicted to the show Good Omens. When I find something I really like, I latch onto it and consume absolutely everything I possibly can about it. It’s a yikes when it comes to friends. I’ve become more aware, and I try to keep those clingy/obsessive behaviors either to myself or at a minimum.

But there’s supposed to be a strength behind this, right? An obsessive personality, from my own experience, can get a project done, can teach me so many new hobbies and cultures, and can make me passionate.

As for my current big flaw, I already know my confidence is lower than the tummy of a blue whale. It’s something else I’m working on, but it’ll take some time. Strengths? There actually is some! It makes me cautious and when I care about someone I TRULY care.

Basically, lovelies, understand your flaws, find the strengths in them, and better yourself. Accept, sure. But don’t remain stagnant.




{A song is associated with this art piece, so I recommend having it on in the background: YouTube link}


“Sometimes the only thing keeping me from ending it all is that I’m literally too scared to.” -Maren


“Life ain’t easy but it sure is beautiful.” -Dave


“Life is worth it because of faith and hope.” -Kirsten


“If you’ve been struggling, that’s okay, but don’t do it silently.” -Syd


“As long as we’re here we might as well do what we can to make this Earth a better place and make our own hearts happy.” -Elta


“Life can be fun. It can be whatever you make it.” -Steven


Confidence in your self-worth, your beauty, and that you’re doing what you believe is best for you and your world. -Brianna


When You’re Leaving in 4 Days and Realize OH SH!T I Have So Much To Do!!!

The truth has come out: I’m heading out. For a trip. Mini vacation!

I’d usually be totally okay, packing list done, started packing, have all the plans set up.

Not this time!

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m back in school getting another Masters. I’m a full time student, which means three hardcore classes a semester. And all three have an assignment due while I’m out of town. AND I’m determined to finish and turn them in before I leave in four days.

So I’ve been focused on that, plus I’m a part-time cubicle worker, and there’s other things happening this week. It seems hard, near impossible. I’m with you, but I’m still going to do my best.

Here’s what I do when I have too much shit on my plate and not enough time to do it:

1. Make a plan. And stick to it! Micromanage if need be. And trust me, I need it. I have three assignments, all of which I’m planning to finish by Thursday. I’ll write down a plan for every day: for 511 write 3 pages, for 512 complete part 1, for 514 reread class notes and start finding policies. I even write down what days I need to do the litter boxes (Monday and Tuesday), do laundry (Wednesday), and get a med refill (Monday). Plan everything.

2. Take frequent breaks. Don’t be a stereotypical university student that sits at a desk for hours and hours studying. Give you brain rest.

3. Ask for help. When all is too much, ask someone for some help. Even if it’s just asking a friend to send you a meme so you can giggle and feel light.

4. Health! Plenty of sleep (6-8 hours), healthy food, and exercise. Working out may be off the table right now, but I can still take a bike ride, do some stretching, or dance around.

5. Do your best. And by that I mean, do your best with the assignments, with your work, and in general. Don’t say ‘whatever’ to any of it.

So these will be implemented in my own life for the next few days (and I’ve already started anyway). If you’re on a time crunch, remember to breathe and that you can do it.



Playlists I Have and Need On My Phone

Music is a saving grace in my life. I have a playlist for every occasion and every emotion possible. One of the things I do get asked (besides book recommendations because duh) is music recommendations. I listen to everything, and I mean everything. Of course, I have preference, but I consider myself open minded with music.

And today I wanted to share some of my playlists with you. Here are some that might help someone:

new job confidence is needed

  • breathin’–Thomas Sanders, Foti
  • The Middle–Jimmy Eat World
  • I Lived–OneRepublic
  • Hall of Fame–The Script,
  • Danny Don’t You Know–Ninja Sex Party
  • Confident–Demi Lovato
  • Warriors–Imagine Dragons
  • Someday–Rob Thomas
  • Odds Are–Barenaked Ladies
  • Until the End–Breaking Benjamin
  • Alone–Alan Walker
  • Human–Rag’n’Bone Man

no lyrics because lyrics are stupid

  • Violet Evergarden Collection (complete soundtrack)–PianoPrinceOfAnime
  • The Lord of the Rings movie soundtracks (all three of them)
  • Undertale soundtrack
  • Studio Ghibli instrumental compilation (all the movies)
  • Willow movie soundtrack
  • Two Steps From Hell
  • Memoirs of a Geisha movie soundtrack
  • Wonder Woman movie soundtrack (specifically Wrath of Wonder Woman and No Man’s Land)
  • To The Moon game soundtrack

because im angry and need to release some energy

  • Break Stuff–Limp Bizkit
  • Chop Suey!–System of a Down
  • Bodies–Drowning Pool
  • Tear Down the Wall–Art Of Dying
  • Afterlife–Avenged Sevenfold
  • Red Cold River–Breaking Benjamin
  • Headstrong–Trapt
  • I Stand Alone–Godsmack
  • Toxicity–System of a Down

feeling down so lets get sadder

  • 1-800-273-8255–Logic, Alessia Cara, Khalid
  • One More Light–Linkin Park
  • Inside the Fire–Disturbed
  • Can You Hear Me–Eduard Frolov EFG, Robyn Ardery
  • Ashes of Eden–Breaking Benjamin
  • Everything’s Alright–Laura Shigara
  • Adam’s Song–blink-182
  • Skinny Love–Birdy
  • Not About Angels–Birdy
  • The Night We Met–Lord Huron
  • Look On Down From The Bridge–Mazzy Star
  • Hold the Door–Eric Michaud (from Thrones! the Musical)
  • Von–Arnor Dan
  • Alone In A Room (Acoustic Version)–Asking Alexandria

These are just four of my hundred or so that I keep on hand (my phone’s gig space hates me). Maybe you find some new music, maybe you find some new emotion to release in music.

And of course, I am always taking new recommendations as I love music. (The Wonder Woman soundtrack was courtesy of my friend Kirsten). If you have music you want me to listen to that can go on one of these playlists (or another playlist you think I have) please let me know.

Enjoy the music!



Favorite Movie Exercise

Recently, I was doing some research on favorites. Why do we have favorites, what might they say about us, and how do they shape our personalities? In my research, I found this article about favorite movies. And I was fascinated! I recommend reading it (found here), but the basic gist is something about you might tie your favorite films together. Make a list of your top 10 movies, think about themes and elements, and ask yourself what ties them together. What do your favorite movies say about you?

I wanted to put this exercise to the test.

Almost a year ago, I made a post listing my favorite movies (here). I was looking through it again and decided to tweak it. My mind changes sometimes with favorite films, though I continuously seem to go through the same 20. But for this list, I decided on what speaks to me more often than not. Here’s my list in relative, not exact order:

  1. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947)
  2. Die Hard
  3. Howl’s Moving Castle
  4. Willow
  5. Beetlejuice
  6. Legally Blonde
  7. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar
  8. Jurassic Park
  9. Drop Dead Gorgeous
  10. The Frighteners

An eclectic, as Domenick put it, list. Different plots, different genres, different filmmakers, different actors, blah blah blah.

So what ties these together?

*! As a warning, there may be spoilers to the above mentioned films. !*

Let’s start with the top four: Mitty, Die Hard, Howl’s, and Willow handle a character underestimated by seemingly bigger forces. And usually the characters are constantly undervalued. Walter Mitty is constantly pushed around by those of a higher authority though he does more than they comprehend. John McClane is a cop from New York thrown into a terrorist situation in LA before taking them all out alone. Sophie, a girl who is undervalued by self and society, is cursed but is the only person who can keep the world moving. Willow is a small person bullied by those around him sent out on an adventure to save the world-ish, and even with the constant trash against him is the one who never stops and ultimately does save the world.

These are all stories of thriving when underestimated/undervalued, or continuing on when everyone says you can’t because you are the only one who can.

Let’s continue with the rest of the movies, and see if this theme continues throughout the other six.

Beetlejuice has a couple of underestimated characters. The Maitlands are undervalued as a simple superstition and walked all over on, but are able to take back their own house. Lydia is undervalued for being an oddball, but accepts herself and becomes more open in the end after making friends.

Legally Blonde is the ultimate movie of being underestimated. Elle is a beautiful blonde sorority girl from California who is treated like shit when she goes to law school. She doesn’t give up; she kicks all the ass.

To Wong Foo follows three drag queens in a road trip across America before they get stranded in middle America. They’re underestimated as ‘career girls’ and undervalued as drag queens. But they speak out and help the town value itself.

Jurassic Park. Everyone knows this movie for one word: dinosaurs. Obviously, the dinos themselves are underestimated as they fuck everything up. Ellie is underestimated as a woman in this survival situation. Malcolm and his knowledge is undervalued. But they survive, and that’s the point.

Drop Dead Gorgeous is a mockumentary about a teen beauty pageant in a little town in Minnesota. The lead teen is undervalued because she is “trailer trash” compared to her competition who is from the wealthiest family in town. And she is underestimated for being kind. She prevails though, fireball and all.

The Frighteners is about a man who can see/talk with ghosts when a serial killer ghost starts claiming the living. He is an undervalued member of society since he ‘scams’ using his connection with ghosts. He is underestimated since, obviously, no one believes him. He kicks ass, though, and saves the town.

And if I think of some of my other favorites, like Kiki’s Delivery Service, Wonderman, The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Imitation Game, and more, the majority of them, if not all of them, involve characters underestimated and/or undervalued before showing out, showing off, and being super awesome.

Now, for the last part of the exercise, why am I drawn to these kinds of movies?

I myself feel like an underestimated and undervalued person. Whether it’s myself or other people doing it, I feel like I’m pushed down to not achieve greatness. Not every movie ends in ultimate victory. Sometimes we fail, and we can fail hard. But they were no longer underestimated for what they could/couldn’t do. They were not undervalued as less than. These characters sought for the moon even when they were told they couldn’t.

I see myself in these moments, and that’s why I love movies. I connect with them.

Anyway, this was a fun look into my favorite movies and my own psyche. I recommend trying this with your favorite films. You may discover something new about yourself.



2019 Goals Check In

Six (and a half-ish) months in, I wanted to see how I was doing with my 2019 goals. No, not resolutions, goals. This is also the time to see what goals need to be altered and what plans I can make to achieve the rest of it. And, of course, I invite you to go through your own 2019 goals and plan out what you need.

First of all, what were my goals for 2019? Well:

  • Complete one bucket list goal
  • Start an etsy shop
  • Be part of a production
  • Change wardrobe
  • Change hair cut and dye
  • Go out of country
  • Send out work five times
  • Complete a 5k or 10k
  • Able to do regular pushups
  • 50 books
  • Create a routine that works
  • Create a vision board
  • Deep organize through everything

img_7804I was able to do a few things already. I was actually in two productions, which was awesome. I did change my entire wardrobe (and I’ll be making a post about that next week). I organized every nook and cranny of my shit. And I drastically changed my hair, in which you’ll have to enjoy this rendition of since I have no proper pic as of yet.

Now, how about the rest?

I always try to fulfill a bucket list goal every year. I actually have a plan for that, so I should be able to complete it at the end of September. I’ve sent my work out three times now; I have a plan for one before November, and I just need to figure out one more which will just use a little research, so no biggie. I know what I want to color my hair, but it won’t be until at the very earliest August to do so. I have an idea for a vision board, so I should be able to finish it before the month is out.

Here’s where things get to be kind of a bummer. There’s a couple of goals that probably won’t happen. An etsy shop takes a lot of time and mindfulness, two things I haven’t been able to provide, and probably won’t be able to provide the rest of the year. The rest of the summer is going to be too busy prepping for the fall, which is going to be even crazier. There won’t be time for it, so I’m probably gonna cut that from my goal list. I’d love to go out of country, but unfortunately my big trip is going to an orientation in a different state on the other side of the country (a trip I’ve taken quite a few times now). I won’t take it off the list in case I manage to run away to Canada for a second, but it’s very probable I won’t be able to do it.

Now for my ongoing stuff. I’m about 3/5 into my 50 books challenge, so that’s going swimmingly. I’m trying to work on fitness and the ability to do a 5k or 10k is not too far away. Pushups are an odd goal to some, but no one is allowed to tell you what should not be a goal in your life. I can’t do pushups because I lack upper bod strength, and my body is built differently. I just want to be able to do five regular pushups and be proud doing it. Still can barely do a knee pushup, though…And as for the routine, it’s going through trials right now. I can’t figure what works for me, but I’m trying and that’s what matters.

Long story short, I’m doing okay, but could be better. I’m still going, though, which is what matters. Maybe we’ll revisit this again at the end of the year.

And how did you do? Doing well? I’m so proud of you! Not doing so well? That’s okay! I’m proud of you for trying. And this is a good time to start again, revise and move on. You can do it!